who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
