That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
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We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
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I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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