My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Randomize
