Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.