glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
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4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
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i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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