every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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