dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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