I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
