Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
