When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just invented taco cereal.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
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