That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
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