Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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