somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
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all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
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You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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