did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
