Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
