ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
