My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
