would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
