Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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