I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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