How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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