O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
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