he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
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When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
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I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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