Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
