i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
