On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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