Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
