I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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