HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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