I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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