He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
