woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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