party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
