Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
