Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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