That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It was confusing and full of hummus
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
