how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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