So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
