I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
