y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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