Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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