I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
