tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
