i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
