Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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