how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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