I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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