May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
