I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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