If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
