Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize