I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
