Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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