are you still at the devil's house?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
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And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
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We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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