And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize