my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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