Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
