god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dick very happy bro
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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