I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
