ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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