I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize