Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
