I hate all girls vehemently.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
