too bad you live with your parents still
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again