Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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