no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
