It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize